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Ares and Joxer were sitting at the table enjoying a peaceful moment for a change.
"Did you hear that Psyche is seeing Helios?" Joxer asked as he produced a plate of food.
"No, last that I heard she was seeing Auge." Ares said and snagged a piece of cheese from Joxer's plate.
"Oh, I think she's still seeing him... and Hermes too." Joxer said as he picked up a small chunk of lamb and fed it to Ares.
"I can't understand how Cupid could have gotten tangled up with that bitch." Ares said around his food.
//Ahem... Excuse me?// A voice called to Ares and Joxer's minds.
Ares and Joxer looked at each other in question, then looked around the room.
//Down here.// The voice said firmly.
Both men looked down and saw Clementine, their dog, looking at them expectantly.
"Was that you Clementine?" Joxer asked hesitantly.
//Yes, and let's get something straight. My name isn't Clementine... where did you come up with such an awful name?// Clementine thought with distaste.
"I thought it was pretty." Joxer said weakly.
//You were wrong. My mother named me Shara.// The dog said firmly.
"Okay, we didn't know you already had a name. Of course we'll call you Shara." Joxer said quietly.
Shara nodded, then said, //I like it here, but we need to get a few things cleared up if I'm going to stay.//
"Which things?" Ares asked hesitantly.
//First off, your pup's mate.// Shara said, looking at Ares.
"My pup... you mean Cupid?" Ares asked with a note of confusion.
//Yes that one. We need to discuss his mate, the blonde that smells of fish.// Shara said with a growl in her mind/voice.
"Psyche?" Joxer asked hesitantly.
//Yes. She is why I must speak to you. It is incorrect to call her a bitch. You have been doing so for some time and it is completely inaccurate.// Shara said, then shifted her gaze to Ares.
"How so?" Ares asked with interest.
"First of all, a true bitch's first priority is her pups, but that one has little concern for her pup and leaves him to be cared for by others." Shara said in thought.
"Yes, she has Cupid, Me, Aphrodite, even some of her priests watch Bliss." Ares said with a nod.
//Next, a true bitch will feed her pup until it is time to wean him, she did not give her pup even a drink of mother's milk. She fed him from a goatskin just after his birth.// Shara said with distaste.
"She said that nursing was painful." Joxer said quietly.
//Painful? It is one of the greatest joys of motherhood.// Shara said definitely.
"So that's why you think we shouldn't call her a bitch?" Ares asked incredulously.
//No, there is also her loyalty... or lack of loyalty. Bitches are loyal, we fight to defend those we love. We have an attitude because we have to, otherwise the world would walk all over us. She has an attitude to get what she wants for herself, she is loyal to no one.// Shara said with disgust.
"I can't argue with that." Ares said simply.
Joxer nodded in confirmation.
//So please refrain from calling her a bitch, it gives those of us who are true bitches a bad name.// Shara said firmly.
"How about slut?" Ares asked in thought.
//Yes, that's fine... very accurate.// Shara said and wagged her tail to confirm her approval.
"Whore?" Joxer asked.
//As long as you leave me and my sisters out of it, call her anything you want.// Shara said firmly.
"How is it that you can talk?" Ares asked curiously.
//The pup... Bliss? He doesn't like ambrosia, so he feeds it to me under the table.// Shara said happily.
"That little sneek. And I thought I'd finally gotten him to eat it." Joxer said with amusement.
//No. I've been eating his ambrosia for months.// Shara said with a little look of apology.
"So is that your only complaint?" Joxer asked carefully.
//Yes, for the most part. The food is good, you give me plenty of attention. It would be nice if you could arrange for me to visit with Cerberus... that's one godly hunk of dog...// Shara finished with a pant.
"We'll talk to Hades about it." Ares said with a smile.
//Oh yes, there was one other thing. When you two are making puppies...// Shara trailed off shyly.
"Making puppies?" Joxer questioned.
"Having sex." Ares explained.
"Oh..." Joxer said with a blush.
//You're doing it wrong.// Shara said, drawing the conversation back to her.
"What?" Ares asked in shock.
//You're doing it wrong.// Shara said simply.
"Humans do it differently..." Ares began to say.
//Excuse me... Doggie style? Who in this room is most qualified to know the proper form?// Shara asked haughtily.
"Okay, what are we doing wrong?" Ares asked, not wanting to push it.
//Get me a visit with Cerberus and I'll show you.// Shara said with a smile in her voice.
"What do you say Joxer? Up for some expert instruction?" Ares asked with a smile.
"You know I am." Joxer said happily.
//Good, then I'm going to go curl up by the fireplace and take a nap. I just had to say my piece.// Shara said as she got up to leave.
"Okay, and we won't call anyone else 'bitch' now that we know it offends you." Joxer said quickly.
//No, it was just Psyche that bothered me. Gabrielle *is* a bitch.// Shara said and left the room.
"Okay, that was just weird." Joxer said and absently picked up a piece of cheese.
"With all the things that happen to us, that's hardly worthy of note." Ares said with a smile.
"I don't know if I can deal with this..." Joxer said with a bewildered look.
"Don't be such a pussy." Ares said in a mock scolding tone.
//Ahem... Excuse me?// A voice called.
Ares and Joxer looked down to see Mjau, the cat, looking back at them.